This is a tough and emotionally charged situation—but it’s also an important moment to set boundaries and model respect.
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Your 21-year-old son is legally an adult. At this age, it's reasonable for parents to offer support when they can—but not to be manipulated or coerced into giving gifts or financial help under threat. If your son is saying he’ll move in with his father unless you buy him a new car, it’s worth asking: is this really about the car, or is this a deeper issue about power, independence, or entitlement?
Start by having a calm, honest conversation. Acknowledge that you understand his desire for independence and transportation. Then gently but firmly explain your boundaries: that gifts, especially large financial ones like a car, are given out of love and not demanded. Make it clear you won't be manipulated. Let him know you still care deeply about him and are willing to support him emotionally and guide him toward earning what he wants responsibly.
You might say something like, “I understand you feel frustrated, but making threats isn't how we solve problems. I want you to have the things you need, but I also want you to learn how to work for them. If you choose to live with your father, that’s your decision, but I won’t be buying a car under pressure.”
This is a key learning moment. Enabling this kind of behavior may only reinforce future entitlement. By staying calm, respectful, and firm, you're helping him grow into a responsible adult—whether he realizes it right now or not.
Hold your ground with love. Teaching self-respect often starts by modeling it yourself.
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