Dad, I Still Look for You
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Dad, I still find myself searching for you, even though I know you’re gone. It’s in the smallest, most unexpected places—the echo of an old song drifting from the radio, the warmth of sunlight breaking through the curtains in the morning, or in those still moments when the world slows down and my thoughts grow louder. My mind plays tricks on me. I’ll reach for my phone, ready to dial your number, expecting to hear your steady voice on the other end. And then reality hits—your voice no longer waits there. The silence after that realization feels deeper than anything I can describe.
I miss the way you had this quiet ability to make everything feel safe. Life could be chaotic, problems could feel overwhelming, but your presence was always an anchor. You didn’t need to say much—just by being there, you turned fear into courage and uncertainty into calm. Our house wasn’t just four walls and a roof; it was home because you were inside it. Now, though the structure remains, something essential is missing. Rooms feel emptier, nights feel colder, and no matter how many days pass, that space you left behind refuses to be filled.
People say grief softens with time, that the pain fades. But I’ve come to learn that’s not really true. It doesn’t fade—it changes. It becomes a part of me, like a stone I carry in my pocket. Some days it feels heavier than others, weighing me down with memories and longing. Other days, it’s lighter, almost gentle, reminding me of the love we shared, the lessons you left me, and the strength I inherited from watching you live your life with such quiet dignity.
I look for you in everything, Dad—in the laugh of a stranger that sounds like yours, in the advice I imagine you’d give, in the stars when the night feels too long. And though I can’t see you, I know you’re woven into everything I am. Your absence is a wound that will never fully heal, but it’s also a reminder of how deeply you loved and how deeply you are loved still.
I’ll never stop looking for you, Dad. Because in truth, a part of you is always here, walking with me, even in the silence.
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